A Dreamless Sleep
by ChoButterfly
Summary: Inu-Yasha suffers a sleepless night as he ponders what he has done to Kagome (in book 7)


Title: A Dreamless Sleep  
Author: Cho_Butterfly  
Rating: PG for slight cursing... Just a widdle! ^^;  
Regular disclaimers, author's note at the bottom.  
  
~*~  
  
Unwillingly, I toss and turn in my bed. Something's keeping me awake, making sure I don't rest tonight. I reach out, clawing at the straw mat below me with my fingers. Stray thoughts enter my mind, as I hear your voice yelling out my name is frustration. I can't sleep, and it's all your damn fault. Why can't I, for once in my life, just forget about you? Am I forever chained to such a fate where I care for you so much that I can't stand you? Keeping you away from me is the only thing I can do to show I care. To keep you out of trouble. But, why does it have to be like that? Was it my mistake do have done what I did to you?  
  
No, it was your own fault for being so damned curious, for even falling into this world. You shouldn't have done it. Then, we'd be in no mess such as this. I turn over, and feel my wound freshly open, the warm blood spilling over my chest and clothes. I feel no pain physically, but my soul aches so terribly. I growl silently, hoping I will not awaken the little fox brat beside me. For if I were to do that, he would only remind me of your missing presence. I could not bear that.  
  
It's not my fault! I did what I did because I feared for your safety. You may think that I said what I did only to be tricking you, but it was true. Every moment you spent anywhere near danger, I was so worried. So worried... I would never forgive myself if you were killed, or even touched, for that matter. You see, I did it all for you! So... Why do I feel so guilty?  
  
Won't you just leave my mind, now? You've already gained hold of my heart, why do more damage by provoking my sanity? I want to be with you, but I don't want you near me. Being by me is the most danger I could ever put you in. I provoke trouble. And you always seem to not care, always stupidly diving headfirst into dangerous situations. Which always backfires, you idiot. Don't you know anything? Without you around, I can fight with less worry, and I can finally be human. Maybe then you'd accept me. Maybe then, I could hold you in my arms again, knowing everything would be all right. I promise you, one day, when this is all over, we shall see each other again. I do not care if you hate me then for what I did now. I only want to see you, safe. That is all I've ever wanted.  
  
I cannot even look upon the stars in this hellish room! I cannot even wish upon them in some childish fantasy that I will see you again! Why is life so cruel as where I cannot even dream anymore? Even to look up unto the moon and think that perhaps, by some odd force of irony, you'd be looking upon it, too, would be pure bliss which I cannot taste or feel. The only thing I can taste in my mouth is the bitter, sour venom that caused you to worry over me so much. The only thing I can feel is the searing pain and warm blood washing over my chest. It would only be in a dream that I could hold you, and tell you what I feel. But, I cannot dream. I am torn by my mind, forever cursed to lie awake tonight and think bitter memories of you which I hold onto so dearly. I can only grasp the painful truth, and never soothe it in dreams. No, I am not worthy of such a dream. Not until I complete my mission could I ever be donned worthy of seeing your gentle eyes, feeling your gentle arms around me, tasting your tender lips upon mine. I can only think of what pain I must have caused you. Oh, and it hurts.  
  
I can only imagine your face, calmly resting you eyes to sleep. Are you in someone else's arms? Someone who can give you what you deserve? Are you content with who you are now, away from me? Away from danger?  
  
I can only dream to possibilities. But, what is to happen if dreaming I cannot even succumb to anymore?  
  
I slowly close my eyes, allowing your gentle words rest on my lips, before I fall victim to a dreamless sleep.  
  
Goodnight, Kagome.  
  
~*~  
  
Author's note: So, what did you think of it? This was my first Inu-Yasha fanfic, so please don't be harsh on reviews! Teehee! Uhm, these thoughts (Inu-Yasha's thoughts, mind you! ^^) took place near the end of book 7, when Inu-Yasha is going to sleep, after pushing Kagome back in the well and stealing the Shikon Jewel shards from her. Uhm... Makes no sense, right? Thought so :)  
Please, do review and comment! You can also send e-mails to: Jubug_2000@yahoo.com! *whispers* I LOVE e-mails! They make me so happy! Well, anyhoo, I hope you enjoyed this fanfic... There should be more Inu-Yasha to come! Heh!   
Well, take care, ya'll! Love yah much!  
  
¬ Cho-Butterfly, better known as Cho, JuJu, or ... Well, anything, really ^_^  



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